Fear of Love
Fear of Love
by Paddy Easton Graves
Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. Erich Fromm
An extraordinary and inexplicable thing occurs when the desire for love becomes greater than the fear of it.
I was watching a video of Joe Walsh of the Eagles playing on stage at Clapton’s Crossroads Festival, and this is what I envy most! Here is a man, past his youth; past the conditions that society sells, on stage in front of thousands, totally being himself.
How do we get from searching, possibly desperately, for acceptance, importance, worthiness, meaning, and love, to being completely free within ourselves, to express, create, and live in the presence of unabridged Joy? We already know the answer, but keep forgetting to apply it. We have all the tools, the perfect guidance, and perhaps even the understanding of the law behind the formula; yet, we still hesitate to open our hearts and love fully.
We know, in our deepest wisdom, that nothing real can be lost; yet, the mind that has established its self in a solid and familiar position as comfortably less than, does not like being asked to play a new role. From the ego’s frame of reference, turning its power over to the heart is a humiliating demotion, and, like any true warrior, is willing to fight to the death to defend its crown.
Unconditional self-love is the last grand life lesson, and is also the greatest human paradox. We cannot have the love we seek in the world, until we give it to ourselves first, and we will not give it to ourselves until we feel worthy. Our chosen path to worthiness is often one of sacrifice, suffering, and sabotage of our life’s dream – until we’ve paid the dues. The irony escalates when we see that this equation cannot be solved – the math cannot cohere with truth when the entire premise is false.
It is not difficult to understand truth, once you begin to be impeccably honest with yourself. The rest is simply following that truth, in each moment, where body, mind, and spirit vibrate in harmony with one another. Fear of love is an effect of the mind and heart vibrating at different frequencies, setting the battlefield
for the war within where we are unable to be whole, create, and express freely. Because spirit vibrates at the higher frequency, it is up to the body and mind to find a way to rise up, embrace, and step into it. Spirit would not be itself if it lowered its vibration in order to include mind and body.
To take the fear of love test, pause for a moment, and look around. Do you cherish and have gratitude for everything you see? Do you welcome and embrace everything that comes your way, whether it is prayed for or not, is darkness or light, pleasure or pain, sickness or health, life or death? Do you inhabit a relaxed body and quiet mind, that lives in the perfect Now? Are you living the dream of your life and following the passion in your heart? Or… do you see the things that are wrong, and dream of how grand and wonderful it would be, if only things were different than the way they are?
Fear of love is not just fear of loss, it is fear of life – it is fear of being your true self – denying what is your inherent right to joy and having everything you could ever desire. When you are afraid of loving yourself, you will create ways to resist and sabotage the miracles that your spirit is now offering and the infinite universe is here to bring into form.
The thought of leaping into unconditional self-love can bring on paralyzing fear, and the mind that sees surrender as worse than death will suffer throughout life. Let there be no thought of leaping, going anywhere, or doing anything to prove worthiness, as it is mind alone that triggers the fear of love. To keep the gate open, for awareness to meet spirit, return again and again to those thoughts, images, and feelings that nurture and vibrate in harmony with the heart and soul. When one has mastery over their thoughts there comes a peaceful stillness as the mind and heart join as one, and the prayer for love becomes the reality.
Paddy Easton Graves is a writer, author, ‘Extraordinary Life’ Coach, Martial Artist, and teaches golf as a spiritual path. Harpertime@comcast.net